The transition from ‘singlehood’ to being married is not always easy. There is a lot of adjusting to do. For the union to work there are many compromises that one has to make, and there are many things one has to give up either because it is the right thing to do or on request or because it has been demanded by your spouse. You cannot have your cake and eat it at the same time. Some things just have to go. Some things you will have to decide to let go of, willingly or reluctantly. Incompatibility results when one or both refuse to yield in some area insisting on ‘my lifestyle as usual’. For marriages to work, some things just have to be given up. Changes cannot be avoided. Some things have to move to create room for your spouse. The sooner you realise and accept that the better!!

When you said “I do” these are some of the things you had to sacrifice or give up for this thing called marriage to work.

  • Time to yourself
  • Personal space – this has reduced by at least 50%.
  • Sexual liaisons with whoever and whenever. You are now in an exclusive arrangement. You are now ‘PRIVATE PROPERTY”.
  • Hugging or pecking on the cheek some members of the opposite sex.
  • Lunch or dinner with persons of the opposite sex without your spouse’s knowledge.
  • Bringing home five friends for a drink unannounced.
  • Association with persons of the opposite sex without your spouse’s knowledge or consent.
  • Spending ‘your’ salary without accountability. Remember it’s the two of you now.
  • Going wherever and at whatever time; coming back at your heart’s pleasure.
  • Friday night sleepovers – where you come home at 9 am on Saturday morning.
  • A secret cellphone address book.
  • Taking or making private phone calls – don’t move away. That call must be in full view and within earshot of your spouse.
  • Browsing the Internet and viewing whatever – remember you are now somebody’s wife or husband!!
  • Use of family assets like the car by other people unknown to your spouse.
  • Using borrowed items of clothing – your spouse should not ask, ‘Whose jumper is that?’ Tell them before they ask and then be prepared to answer the ‘WHY?’ question.
  • Lending parts of your wardrobe to other people, whether siblings or not.
  • Regular ‘unsanctioned’ visits to your parents.
  • Private e-mail addresses.
  • Private diary.
  • Giving to and accepting gifts from a person of the opposite sex.
  • Dressing as you like – same pair of dirty jeans for five days straight!!
  • Eating whatever, whenever!
  • Braaiing/barbecuing with the boys every weekend.
  • Surviving on takeaways/fast foods.
  • Tuning in to YOUR favourite TV station every day.
  • Lounging in your favourite couch all day munching popcorn.
  • Some hobbies and sporting activities that take up most of your weekend.
  • Some mannerisms/irritating habits.
  • Going to the office leaving your bed and bedroom looking like a tsunami-hit area.

Compromise is the key word. Meet the other person half-way. At other times it will be three-quarter way. Often 100% of the way.

Kill the selfishness. Think of the other person’s happiness and comfort first. Happy Marriage to you!!

About the Author

I am a banker by profession. I am married with three adult children - all girls! The two older ones are now married. I became a Christian in my first year of University in the late seventies and have never looked back since. It has been a great adventure, I'd say. I am a senior elder in my local church responsible for the Bible teaching programs. I enjoy that. My wife and I are involved in a Marriage Ministry called HAPPY HOME PROMOTIONS which started way back in 1987. Through this, we have addressed scores of Marriage Seminars and counselled many, many couples - married and premarriage. The ministry seeks to fight divorce in all its forms. I still enjoy the ocassional game of soccer, albeit at a S-L-O-W pace now. I am a keen photographer, a fisherman, a carpenter as well as a beekeeper.


  1. Remenia murwisi says:

    Thanx vaMutsaka for e articles on this website they are indeed educative and informative.

  2. ElderGee says:

    I’m glad you found them so. Please do visit again soon as I will have posted more stuff.

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