Tag Archives: spouse

DEBT MUST NOT DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

You ignore common sense at your own peril. Most young couples return from their honeymoon to face a Kilimanjaro-high mountain of debts. You budgeted for 150 but 372 people turned up. You now owe the caterer for the additional mouths. You only paid the deposit for the function venue. You paid half-down for the marquee/tent. The florist allowed you to have those additional arrangements for payment after the wedding. The photographer will only deliver the photos on full payment. The list goes on… The anticipated windfall from guest presents did not materialise. Many of those who attended gave all sorts of household gifts – most of them unwanted (including 41 coffee mugs!!) – instead of cash. The $2190 received as cash will only cover a small fraction of your wedding debts!! What to do? Sit down with your spouse. Tally all the debts to ascertain the extent of your indebtedness. (No need to argue now!!) Assess each of your creditors. Agree on which debts to work on first. Engage all the creditors and apprise them of your situation. Seek to buy time. Negotiate for terms. Will they accept part payments? Where you can consolidate your debts, it is advisable to …

STOP THE NAGGING

What is nagging? A repeated request for something to be done which the other person ignores or trivialises. They get annoyed and you also get annoyed. And so the dance goes on. 93% of the time nagging is used to refer to boisterous, loud, demanding wives. But we also have men who nag. They make up the remaining 7%. If it is not working, conventional wisdom says change the method or the approach or just drop it. Stop the nagging. Unless what you want done is critical and earth-shaking. It will get you nowhere apart from causing the other person, usually your spouse, to despise you. Nagging introduces tension. Nagging poisons the atmosphere. Nagging stifles conversation. Nagging suffocates friendship. Nagging wastes energy and sucks the fun out of marriage. Nagging is a spoiler!! According to various versions of the Bible, nagging is described as being bitter-tongued, being a brawler, quarrelsome, contentious, argumentative, indulging in bickering! Proverbs 21:9 ESV It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Do you wish to have any of those adjectives applied to you? Why not make your request once or twice and trust …

WHAT YOU GAVE UP WHEN YOU SAID “I DO”

COMPROMISE IS THE KEY WORD! The transition from ‘singlehood’ to being married is not always easy. There is a lot of adjusting to do. For the union to work there are many compromises that one has to make, and there are many things one has to give up either because it is the right thing to do or on request or because it has been demanded by your spouse. You cannot have your cake and eat it at the same time. Some things just have to go. Some things you will have to decide to let go of, willingly or reluctantly. Incompatibility results when one or both refuse to yield in some area insisting on ‘my lifestyle as usual’. For marriages to work, some things just have to be given up. Changes cannot be avoided. Some things have to move to create room for your spouse. The sooner you realise and accept that the better!! When you said “I do” these are some of the things you had to sacrifice or give up for this thing called marriage to work. Time to yourself Personal space – this has reduced by at least 50%. Sexual liaisons with whoever and whenever. You …