Blog Archives

THE WEEPING WALL

THIS IS THE WEEPING WALL… We all have issues some of which we cannot share publicly as on our Facebook Walls for example. Yet we need help and we need to discuss these issues. Feel free to post your worrying personal, marriage, relationship issues here – anonymously – and friends will come to your assistance with advice and counsel. Yes, that’s right – you do not have to divulge your identity. Undesirable and unhelpful contributions will be moderated and in need deleted.

WHERE’S THE REMOTE?!

WHERE’S THE REMOTE??!! Some of you might have watched the coffee creamer advert on TV where a husband literally ransacks the kitchen looking for his favourite creamer. He goes through the cupboards and rummages through the fridge only to have the wife shout from the next room, “It’s not inside – it’s on top.” It is not IN the fridge but ON TOP of the fridge. How relieved when he grabs the creamer container. Today that scene is oft repeated – not in the kitchen – but in the lounge. The man of the house is frantic. He crawls on all fours. He shifts the heavy sofa effortlessly, first to the right and then to the left. Picks up and inspects under every cushion.  He is now breathing heavily and comes just short of cussing while demanding, “Where’s the remote”, “Who took the remote”, “Who touched the remote”, “Who removed it from my arm rest?” You walk into the lounge and pick up the remote from the TOP of the TV and hand it to him with a meek, “Here it is – it’s on top!”. He takes it from you. He is angry. He does not even attempt to mutter a “Thank …

DEBT MUST NOT DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

You ignore common sense at your own peril. Most young couples return from their honeymoon to face a Kilimanjaro-high mountain of debts. You budgeted for 150 but 372 people turned up. You now owe the caterer for the additional mouths. You only paid the deposit for the function venue. You paid half-down for the marquee/tent. The florist allowed you to have those additional arrangements for payment after the wedding. The photographer will only deliver the photos on full payment. The list goes on… The anticipated windfall from guest presents did not materialise. Many of those who attended gave all sorts of household gifts – most of them unwanted (including 41 coffee mugs!!) – instead of cash. The $2190 received as cash will only cover a small fraction of your wedding debts!! What to do? Sit down with your spouse. Tally all the debts to ascertain the extent of your indebtedness. (No need to argue now!!) Assess each of your creditors. Agree on which debts to work on first. Engage all the creditors and apprise them of your situation. Seek to buy time. Negotiate for terms. Will they accept part payments? Where you can consolidate your debts, it is advisable to …

GOD HATES DIVORCE

John & Virginia Makumbe It is true that sometimes two married people may fail to continue to love each other the way they did before and soon after their marriage. This situation is worsened when one of the spouses begins to see other people outside of the marriage. The sad case of a Government Minister reported in the papers recently is illustrative of the folly of infidelity. Somebody likened marriage to two pieces of paper that have been glued together. Any attempt to separate them will result in both of them being torn and damaged. Perhaps that is why God hates divorce. Nobody walks out of a marriage unharmed. Married couples should therefore do their best to resolve their differences through talking and getting good counselling from pastors, friends and relatives. Couples should try and forgive each other instead of rushing into divorce.   We are not in any way implying that divorce is inevitable where there has been infidelity. Sexual sin is not the unpardonable sin. It should be possible for a couple to forgive each other and re-commit to their marriage. Problems often arise where one spouse repeats the folly of infidelity after being forgiven first time. In …

STOP THE NAGGING

What is nagging? A repeated request for something to be done which the other person ignores or trivialises. They get annoyed and you also get annoyed. And so the dance goes on. 93% of the time nagging is used to refer to boisterous, loud, demanding wives. But we also have men who nag. They make up the remaining 7%. If it is not working, conventional wisdom says change the method or the approach or just drop it. Stop the nagging. Unless what you want done is critical and earth-shaking. It will get you nowhere apart from causing the other person, usually your spouse, to despise you. Nagging introduces tension. Nagging poisons the atmosphere. Nagging stifles conversation. Nagging suffocates friendship. Nagging wastes energy and sucks the fun out of marriage. Nagging is a spoiler!! According to various versions of the Bible, nagging is described as being bitter-tongued, being a brawler, quarrelsome, contentious, argumentative, indulging in bickering! Proverbs 21:9 ESV It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Do you wish to have any of those adjectives applied to you? Why not make your request once or twice and trust …

ANANIAS AND SAPPHIRA AGREED!!

AT LEAST THEY WERE IN AGREEMENT!! Nothing positive has ever come out of Ananias and Sapphira. (Book of Acts 5:1-10) They sold a property, kept back some of the money then made a false declaration to the disciples about the price. They did not have to lie at all. They could have kept back as much as they wished as long as there was a complete and true disclosure. They gave the impression that they were giving 100% of the proceeds of the sale. Their lie or attempt to lie to the Holy Spirit had no excuse whatsoever. They were men-pleasers. They sought the praise and acknowledgement of men rather than that of God who knows all men and sees the attitudes and motives of our hearts. The lie yielded instant deaths.  THEY AGREED One redeeming fact though. This husband and wife team were in agreement. Now, please do not misunderstand me here. The lie was a sin and they paid dearly. But allow me to look at the other side of things for a while. They agreed to sell the property. They sat down, discussed and agreed on how much to conceal. They agreed on the response to the apostles. …

The sex starved husband or boss

Warning signs for you to proceed with caution… Do any of the following sound familiar? Most wives have come across some of these signs and symptoms at one time or the other. I have numbered them for ease of identification! THE SEX STARVED HUSBAND/BOSS 1. Suffers from facial paralysis and is therefore incapable of smiling. 2. Cannot look you in the eye lest you see the anger behind the pupils. When he does look up, his eyes say one thing, and one thing only – ‘Go away!’ 3. Is Dumb – and therefore unable to speak. Sometimes the capacity for speech returns but only in grunts and other alphabet-defying monosyllables. 4. Is Deaf – cannot hear what you say particularly if it is a request for something to be done. Simply has no time to do anyone any favours. 5. Is Blind – unable to see a) The lovely new dress you have put on b) The make-up that took you 4 hours to paste on. c) That the lawn is overgrown and needs to be mowed. d) The verandah light has not been working for a week now… e) The Kitchen sink is blocked. 6. Is almost always angry …

A HAPPY MARRIAGE IS A CHOICE!

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE A Happy and satisfying marriage is a CHOICE. It is an act of the will. You decide that you will do right, act right, speak right, think right and relate right! You decide you want to be happy. MISERY IS A CHOICE!! At the bottom of most of our fights and disagreements is a childish desire to have our own way often called selfishness. Think about it for a while. Rewind to the last angry episode you had with your spouse. You insisted you were right. And so did he. Your idea made more sense. He felt his was the best course of action. You thought to yourself,’Why does he always have to be right?’ Meanwhile he is saying to himself, ‘She thinks she is smart; I will not let her get away with this!’ Back and forth you argued trying to get the better of the other. Arguing can be exhausting, so after a while you retreat into some corner in sullen silence while he takes refuge in the TV lounge to stare blankly at the screen. The issue remains unresolved. Dialogue has been replaced by silence. Love has been displaced by resentment. …

WHAT YOU GAVE UP WHEN YOU SAID “I DO”

COMPROMISE IS THE KEY WORD! The transition from ‘singlehood’ to being married is not always easy. There is a lot of adjusting to do. For the union to work there are many compromises that one has to make, and there are many things one has to give up either because it is the right thing to do or on request or because it has been demanded by your spouse. You cannot have your cake and eat it at the same time. Some things just have to go. Some things you will have to decide to let go of, willingly or reluctantly. Incompatibility results when one or both refuse to yield in some area insisting on ‘my lifestyle as usual’. For marriages to work, some things just have to be given up. Changes cannot be avoided. Some things have to move to create room for your spouse. The sooner you realise and accept that the better!! When you said “I do” these are some of the things you had to sacrifice or give up for this thing called marriage to work. Time to yourself Personal space – this has reduced by at least 50%. Sexual liaisons with whoever and whenever. You …